Not Pretty Enough
by Frayed at the Edges
Summary: This is a one shot placed after 18 pt 2. Slightly AU because Tommy and Jude never got together as a couple...can Tommy give her all the answers Jude's ever wanted or will he continue to hide and ignore whatever there is between them?


Jude stood in the sound booth awaiting her cue to start. Glancing nervously down at her fingers, she contemplated whether or not she could do this, whether she could sing this song. It was yet another song about _him _and normally she wouldn't have had any problems telling him off through her lyrics…but this time it was different.

She no longer was telling him how she felt, how much she missed him, how much she needed him…

She was asking why…

Why couldn't he choose her just once, let the love she knew he held for her known. Instead of breaking her heart with every move he made and every word he said, why couldn't they just be together? Was it too much for Jude to be loved by the one man that had already captured her heart, whether he wanted it or not?

Tommy Quincy…he was all she wanted. If she could give up the fame, the fortune, all of it just for him, she would.

But he didn't seem to want to return the favor for her. He'd rather let her go on lonely and hurt instead of being with her, whispering sweet nothings in her ear when they were alone…no, instead he chose a different path that involved more pain and anguish. More broken hearts…more shattered dreams…

Gazing through the glass separating her and Tommy, she noticed how he refused to look up and make eye contact with her…it was all the nudge she needed to start, to pour the emotions that had been building inside of her into the song…

_Am I not pretty enough_

_Is my heart too broken_

_Do I cry to much_

_Am I too outspoken_

_Don't I make you laugh_

_Should I try it harder_

_Why do you see right through me?_

Hearing the words flowing from her mouth, Jude nodded in satisfaction at Tommy's reaction. He had perked up in his chair and she could tell he was intently focusing on her words. Maybe he'd finally give her all the answers she'd wanted for the past three years. Maybe explain why she found him and Sadie kissing at her 18th birthday party last night…

The image of Sadie and Tommy's lips joined forced Jude to emit the next part of the lyrics with a stronger engergy.

_I live _

_I breathe_

_I let it rain on me_

_I sleep_

_I wake_

_I try hard not to break_

_I crave _

_I love_

_I've waited long enough_

_I tried as hard as I can_

_Am I not pretty enough_

_Is my heart to broken_

_Do I cry to much_

_Am I to outspoken_

_Don't I make you laugh_

_Should I try it harder_

_Why do you see right through me?_

Listening through the headphones, Tommy swallowed the lump that had risen in his throat. He knew what Jude was doing…or at least trying to do. He refused to look and see the pain her eyes held…pain because of him. But could he just tell her? Tell Jude that every minute of every day she consumed his every thought? Tell her that when he laid in bed at night, he dreamt she was lying in his arms? How could he though? He'd broken her too many times, he didn't want to risk it again...

Shaking his head lightly, Tommy continued to listen to the lyrics, cursing himself for the mistakes he'd made with Jude, and the way she made him feel whenever she was around.

_I laugh_

_I feel_

_I make believe it's real_

_I fall_

_I freeze_

_I pray down on my knees_

_I hope_

_I stand_

_I take it like a man_

_I tried as hard as I can_

_Am I not pretty enough_

_Is my heart to broken_

_Do I cry to much_

_Am I too outspoken_

_Don't I make you laugh_

_Should I try it harder_

_Why do you see right through me?_

_Why do you see_

_Why do you see_

_Why do you see right through me?_

_Why do you see_

_Why do you see_

_Why do you see right through me?_

Nearing the end of the song, Jude had yet to tear her eyes away from Tommy, hoping he'd just once glance up and look at her…into her soul. Hoping he would finally realize that she was waiting right in front of him. No longer was she the 15 year old girl who loved music, she was a woman who loved **him**. And she couldn't help it. She didn't ask to love Little Tommy Q, it just happened, and she wouldn't take it back for anything.

_Why do you see_

_Why do you see_

_Why do you see right through me?_

_Why do you see_

_Why do you see_

_Why do you see right through me? _

Softly ending the song, Jude quietly waited for Tommy to say something…anything. Did he understand what the song was about? Would he admit it?

Suddenly Tommy's head lifted and their eyes met. Hers were silently pleading with his, begging him to tell her why she wasn't good enough for him. Why he never chose her over others. Explain what all those other girls he had been with, like Sadie and Portia, had that she hadn't, what made them so much more special than her? A salty prisoner cascaded down her gentle cheek as she stubbornly held onto his gaze. She wanted answers…she deserved answers.

Tommy stared into her deep blue pools and when he saw the tear falling, his heart sank lower than ever. He wanted to be with Jude more than anything…there were just so many obstacles in their way. They had to work together, their reputations…everything was on the line if they got together, and he didn't want to put her through the hassles and problems that were sure to arise.

Breathing deeply, Tommy thought back to the night before, her birthday party. She had seen Sadie kissing him, but he had been drunk. Yeah, him and Jude weren't together, but he still felt extremely guilty, and he knew it was why she had written the song.

Jude thought she wasn't good enough for him, and that hurt him more than anything else. Because she was all he wanted. They way she smiled, the way her eyes lit up whenever she laughed, he lived to just see it…he lived and breathed just to see her every day.

Still staring at her, Tommy came to a decision. He was tired of hurting her, tired of seeing her with other people. Tommy wanted Jude, he loved her more than life itself and he was willing to take a chance at this very moment. He was going to tell her…everything…Tommy was going to be with Jude. He was going to risk it all, just for her…

"Jude," Tommy sighed, a small smile flickering across his face, "You're so beautiful…"


End file.
